Hello, dear readers, and welcome!
Today is one of those days. I wake up at 3 A.M., stare at the ceiling, and wonder just what I am going to do with my life -- though I really already know, and asking doesn't do too much good when you've already decided. Maybe it's one of the things that 20-somethings go through regularly, or maybe it's just me, but when I have days like these, it makes me think about writing.
I've been thinking about writing a lot lately because I am, after all, a writer.
I've said before that writing isn't an easy job. It can be boring. It can be frustrating. It can even be heartbreaking, depending on what story you are choosing to tell. Sometimes, writing really sucks. Sometimes, you simply have to drag yourself to the computer (or notebook, in my case), and tell yourself that you can't get up for water or tea, or even the bathroom, until you've written something. I believe that every job can be difficult and vexing, but writing is my job, so it's the one I can say is frustrating and hair-pulling with every bit of confidence.
I love writing talks (posts, books, etc.) that tell you writing is a happy thing, where the author is glad to get up every morning, and it's all kittens and roses. I am glad that, for some people, writing doesn't seem to be one of those things where you stare at the page and wonder where you're going -- or how many readers might hate this scene, or if this plot makes any sense, or how many times you forgot the eye color of your main character (this is only the first draft, but that never quite sinks in enough); my favorite is thinking about how far I have left to go in a particular story...and how many stories I have yet to write, and then how many stories I may think of in the future. I sometimes wish I was that type of writer with the rainbows and snuggles, but I'm simply not, and I've come to realize that more and more.
I'm the type of writer who sometimes wants to strangle her characters, who sometimes has to drag herself to the page, and put one painful word down after the other. I'm the type of writer who doesn't want to write sometimes, maybe even half of the time -- but who then gets inspiration in the middle of the night, or when there are other pressing matters (curse you, life). But I'm also the type of writer who loves myself and my work despite everything, and who does keep coming back to the page, who keeps planning and working towards a goal, even if I'm the only one who cares about it.
For me, writing is like life -- because that's pretty much what all lives are: one big, messing, crazy story. I fight with my characters, and sometimes I hate them, sometimes I think they are idiots, and yet I never stop loving them, and sometimes they amaze me; I disagree with my family or friends, and sometimes they frustrate me, sometimes I have no idea what they are thinking, but I never stop loving them, and they amaze me, too. I spend time dissecting the little bits of my world to get to the big picture, and sometimes I have to slow down and take extra notice -- whether this world is fictional, or it is touchable and real before me. I struggle with themes, with what my story is trying to say, and through these struggles I write, and at the end of the story I find the answers to questions I have been asking, all through experience; I struggle with the bigger picture, with events in my own life, and as I move forward, I learn more.
Writing is a lot like life, and for me it helps put life into perspective. Sometimes, life is frustrating, and so is writing. But then always, despite what it throws at me, I love life -- and so I love writing, too.